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June 1, 2003

Hold On

answer machine

Someone should create and market a simple device based on the common answering machine; one that allows you to press a button when you are placed on hold by your HMO, and then leave to resume your daily activities. The machine monitors the line, and when it finally detects the presence of a carbon-based life form, it plays your pre-recorded message. The message is recorded over a background of elevator music, and is something like: "We're sorry, one of your patients has a life, and is currently pursuing it. You will be spoken to in the same time as it took you to answer this call. This call was important to me since it concerns my health and well-being, so please stay on the line." The background music then continues, and is interspersed with interesting details of your recent medical condition, including rest, fluid intake, and bowel habits.

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